“ShemShem is an M.P”

It’s Saturday evening, time check 5:30 p.m…

Lovely weather so I leave work early…

It’s been a long week of poor sales so I can’t wait to just go home, get home and do nothing… Probably sing myself silly coz I don’t drink…

Akansi was late…he is a cousin of mine…to pick me up so I set off on my own…

“Willy! Willy! Willy!” my phone rings from my trouser pocket and I reach for it reluctantly… By the way my ring tone is the new hot jam, “TamTam by Willy Paul feat Size 8”, I hope you’ve listened to it…

It’s Akansi calling…

“Warom, asechopo K’Agunda” he exclaims when I receive the call(Let’s meet I’m at K’Agundas).

K’Agunda is a homestead we pass next to on our way home. I meet him half walking, half running, and we head back home together.

Soon we come to a stream…It’s a small stream on our way home, it’s one of those shallow streams that only has stepping stones…and we find a young boy, probably 12years old, dark and a little slender, he had a black old T-shirt written ‘I’M A DREAMER’, navy blue pair of shorts and was barefoot… He was holding a fishing line and next to him was a dozen of small fish he had caught. Most of them were not dead and I felt the urge to dip them back into the water…

He looked so proud of his catch and even gladly offered as a lesson on fishing. So I decided I was going fishing the next day, he willingly sold me an extra hook…

Armed with my newly acquired hook, we continue with Akansi tagging along, laughing and chatting along the way, recalling ShemShem’s previous funny episodes…

You must be wondering who ShemShem is, right? Okay, sorry for my bad mannerism, ShemShem is my brother’s wife, she has fallen maddly in love with the local brew. She goes out drinking all day and comes back late in the night, as late as 3a.m,yes, that late!

I know you are now asking yourself lots of questions but that’s for another day…

It is six when we finally arrive home…

I’m so hungry, luckily, I manage to get a cup of cold strong tea and two slices of bread. Not enough but it will do for now… A quick gulp and I head to my hut.

I open the door and sit down, too tired to even remove my shoes… I reach for my phone and you know what time it is, “WhatsApping”!!

I get so engrossed on the phone, chatting and time is flying past steadily. The ‘app’ just carries me, carries me like a kid, carried and flying like a bird… To mitna!!

“Bwana pok imoko taya!” (You haven’t lit the lamp) Akansi asks as he comes in…

I didn’t realise it was already so dark…

He turns on his phone light and I notice he is carrying a plate of Ugali(thick paste of maize flour)… An aroma hits my nostrils hard, it’s omena(silver cyprinid fish), fried omena to be precise…my favourite, my killer…

He searches for the lamp, but when he gets it, it’s out of kerosene, too bad! With two phones in the room, that is sufficient light for eating…

“Omera log mondo!” (Hey, wash your hands first) Akansi interupts me in time before I dig my hand in the steaming ugali…

“Kinda gi mogo!”(between me and ugali) I joke as I stand up to wash my hands…

In split seconds, the plates are clean while my appetite is at its peak… I don’t like being left hanging. Nkt!

I wash my hands and go back to ‘WhatsApping’, to hopefully forget about omena.

Time check, it’s 10:21p.m…

“Kwani nini!”(so what!) I hear a voice coming towards the gate…

“Mimi nalewa na pesa yangu, mtu haweziniambia blah blah!(I get drunk with my own money, no one can tell a thing!) It gets closer, it’s ShemShem. She is finally back, today a little early, haha!

I hear footsteps getting closer to my now closed door, I turn off the screen light and hold my breath…

“Fungua hii mlango!”(Open this door) She orders, pushing my door so hard that the poor door almost gave in to the weight.

I ignore her and remain still…

She stands there for a while murmuring inaudibles…

“Oh, umekataa kufungua, funza wewe!”(Oh, you have refused to open, you jiggers!) She hurls an insult as she walks away…

“Nyinyi ni wajinga sana!”(you are all fools) She declared.

“Funza!” (jiggers)

“Mimi ni M. P, hamuwezinitisha!” She says (I’m an M.P, you can’t scare me)

“Mimi ni M.P!” (I’m an M.P)

She kept repeating this ‘M.P’ thing and I was wondering what she meant…

Finally it came out…

“Mimi ni M.P, Mer Pile! (I’m an M.P, Drinks Daily) She announced…

‘M. P’ is an abbreviation for ‘Mer Pile’ (Drinks Daily).

All along I was asking myself why she kept arrogating herself the title ‘M.P’, a preserve for the honourable Members of Parliament…

Now I know.

For sure, ShemShem is an M.P.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on ““ShemShem is an M.P”

  1. pam

    Looking forward to hearing more about ShemShem. She seems like a funny lady. I predict she also likes the elder. Great story…

    Like

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s