Haha! This is crazy. It’s silly. It’s weird. Yeah, I know. But could you just give me some audience before you fill your heart with ‘feelings’? ‘My parents dry humping, you ask? Now, if you don’t know what the phrase means, it’s whereby people simulate an act of sex by rubbing onto each other with their clothes on. We are on the same page now I suppose, yar? You are probably now wondering how a sane person could take his time, pen and paper…sorry, it’s keypad this one…to write about his parents steamy moments.
Let me stop wasting your time…
As you know, traditionally, we, Africans, are a very conservative bunch. There are things we just don’t do, or say, or even hear. They are taboos and might lead to death – I don’t how true that is, so don’t ask me how. My guess would be, psychological death. That’s my idea, or reasoning, not yours.
For example; seeing your parents naked or sharing a bed with your parents (say mother and son or father and daughter). Short and, or, revealing clothes are seen as immoral and disrespectful. This one to me is hypocritical. Hypocritical because, let’s face it, back in the days the closest thing we had to decent dressing was a thong made of hides that only covered the private area. The rest of the body including the dark rough butt was left bare.
Whether they were fleshy or boney, the butts, they were left uncovered; daughter, father, son and mother’s. The breasts, whether they were like an apple or sagged like a deflated wind sock, were left bare assuming whichever position they wished. Different shapes and sizes. But no one died just by seeing that. This generation we live in wouldn’t withstand that. A lady walks past a bunch of boys dressed in tight revealing clothes or a mini skirt and hell breaks loose.
I know I’m boring you with all this crap, I should dive in to where my parents are dry humping, right? We are heading there, but let me explain that it’s not a pleasant scene you just ‘dive’ in. I watch television shows, and movies. The whites do their thing: They do whatever there culture and societal set up allows them to do. And since we decided to embrace their ‘civilization’, we are copy-pasting everything and bringing it home. It’s cool. It’s hip. It’s chic. I don’t fight that, but some just freaks us out.
It’s like say, a friend, a classy friend invites you out to some fancy restaurant, he or she orders lobster or prawns, and whatever weird stuff people eat, you’ve never tasted this kind of thing, but since you’re scared of losing points or scoring less on their scoreboard you half-heartedly go with the order. You eat but feel like crying, you hate yourself. In the middle of it all you excuse yourself and head for the washroom, thrust your fingers into your throat and throw everything into the toilet then flash it down. Wash your hands and rinse your mouth. You come face to face with ‘yourself’ on a mirror fixed above the sink as you lift up your head. Your feel ashamed of yourself for stooping so low. You then walk back forcing a smiling. You pretend you are full. That’s the life, a facade.
The previous night I was watching a movie. nd then there was this scene where a guy walks into his parents house, a mansion where he also has a room, you know that kind of life, yah? And finds his parents dry humping on a couch in the living room. His reaction was not anything close to what mine could have been: ‘Come on guys, you can do better than that, go to your room!’ His dad just said sorry, laughed then lifted his mom on his arms and up the stairs they went. Like seriously?
Now, there’s almost a zero chance that I could ever walk in on my parents doing that. Should I do, I guess my reaction would be to just shut my eyes and bolt out the house, and disappear for like a month. Definitely, they’d be so embarrassed, so, to avoid torturing them each time we come face to face I’d simply avoid contact.
If you are so conservative, which I’m not so much of, and is so taboo-minded then you are doomed. A slight sign of a common-cold-like symptoms and you’ll be ‘dead’. You hit your leg on stone, you blame it on that. Your milk goes bad, it’s signs of looming death. You lose appetite, have constant headaches, your health deteriorates, drastic weight loss, and become lethargic. But not me, I wouldn’t go down that road; if I ever walk into my parents dry humping.